


Never Get Over You

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 12:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A post Endgame fixer upper.





	Never Get Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song “I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You.” by Colin Hay. This is not a song fic, just in case you were wondering.

At the sound of her alarm, Kathryn rolled over and stretched, her arm snaking across to the other side of the bed. She sighed. It was cold and empty, and today, for some reason it seemed lonelier than ever before. They’d been home for just over seven months and as each day passed the emptiness seemed more vivid and the loneliness more acute – the coldness of the sheets on the vacant side of the bed, a stark reminder that she was still on her own.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had plenty of offers of companionship, or just outright offers of sex. With her eyes still closed, Kathryn shook her head and laughed quietly to herself. Some people were damned forthright. Phoebe had told her that she should be flattered but one night stands were hardly Kathryn’s style and she just couldn’t find it within herself to be bothered. Pulling her hand back from the frigid sheets, she laid it between her breasts – right over where her heart should be – and gave in to the temptation to check that it was still there. Yes, she could feel it beating. Her heart was definitely still there, but it just didn’t seem able to feel anything anymore. She wondered if all those years of stifling and suppressing her emotions had finally snuffed them out completely. God, she hoped not.

It wasn’t by choice that she was alone. Really. Without being the least bit vain, she knew she was an attractive woman – strong minded, outspoken and independent, and, these days, a fairly powerful mover and shaker within the Federation. It was a potent mix and men were drawn to her, but they seemed to have trouble competing with the demands of her job and her life… not to mention her personality. They drifted into her life and just as quickly, drifted out. None were particularly memorable.

There was a slightly brittle and abrasive edge to her these days and as much as these men tried to find a way past those spiky barriers, her years in the Delta Quadrant had changed her. She was elusive and had become something of a nonconformist. Her time, as the only Starfleet captain in the Delta Quadrant, had made her far too comfortable with making decisions on her own and if she was honest with herself, she was pretty damn good at it. A substantial part of her new job, as Admiral, called upon her to make the tough decisions and she did so with muted expedience, but that wasn’t the real Kathryn.

Only those dear people, who had travelled that treacherous road through the Delta Quadrant with her for the last seven years, really understood her. God, how she missed them.

Kathryn finally opened her eyes and stared up at her bedroom ceiling, with a frown. In all the months that they’d been home, not a day went by that she didn’t miss them all with a vengeance. Her crew. Her Voyager family.

She would always be grateful to Admiral Janeway for coming back to bring them home. Tuvok and Seven had been saved not to mention the twenty two other crew who would have otherwise lost their lives, but as happy as she was to be here, she missed the easy camaraderie that she’d enjoyed with those special men and women from Voyager.

During those seven years of adventure and adversity they had become an integral part of her and her life. Nothing could rival what they’d achieved and no one could touch her heart as those one hundred and forty or so mismatched souls had done. She loved them all dearly and secretly wished that they were all together still.

She’d been offered another command upon her return but had declined. The thought of standing on the bridge of another starship with strangers around her was something she couldn’t bear to contemplate. The mere thought of not seeing Tom’s blond head at the helm, Harry’s smiling face at Ops and Tuvok’s taciturn features at Tactical, made her heart ache. And God forbid turning to her left and seeing a stranger in Chakotay’s place. Besides, after what Starfleet had done to the Maquis, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. It would have felt as though she was being unfaithful to them. She owed them all too much.

Starfleet had not been happy with her refusal of a new command and had used it as a bargaining tool in regard to the Maquis and she was still very bitter about how the whole episode had unfolded.

Her Maquis crew had been taken into custody upon their arrival. It was something that they had suspected would happen. Through intensive negotiations during the final months in the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn had begun to hammer out an arrangement with Starfleet. Their precipitous return had meant that the final negotiations were not quite complete and the Maquis were forced to endure the humiliation and indignity of a show trial. Kathryn had been livid and had marched into C in C’s office and demanded their immediate release. He had refused but assured her that there would be no convictions. She’d been taken aside by several of his ‘minders’ and informed that the whole charade had been concocted to appease the hardliners who were calling for retribution. The fact that Starfleet had been willing to use her crew as pawns in their political manoeuvring had appalled her and she’d told them as much. She’d been censured but she didn’t care. Almost overwhelmed with anger she’d been sorely tempted to pack her crew back on board Voyager and head back to the Delta Quadrant. Having been gone so long and, her own master for all those years, made her unwilling to play these sorts of political games. Her blood still boiled when she thought of it.

A deal was eventually negotiated. The Maquis’ seven years under her command was considered as time served in lieu of prison, but Kathryn wasn’t the naïve and guileless Starfleet sycophant she’d been seven years before. She’d learnt a lot in her time in the Delta Quadrant and had acquired a cynical enough edge to not trust Starfleet as far as she could kick them. Using her notoriety as leverage she’d threatened to expose the sham if any of her crew were incarcerated and she insisted on a fair remuneration for all her crew, whether they were Starfleet or Maquis. The Admiralty had reluctantly agreed but as soon as the trial was over a promotion had been foisted upon her and she’d become the ‘face’ of the new look – post Dominion war – Starfleet. It had been a PR nightmare for the first couple of months – being herded from one high profile Starfleet ‘do’ to another – but over time her notoriety had waned, and life had returned to some semblance of normality.

Unfortunately she’d been unable do anything about ensuring her Maquis crew’s commissions, but as it was, none of them had been tempted to stay on in Starfleet. In the Delta Quadrant they’d happily served under her command, but even if the offer had been there on their return, they would have refused to serve under anyone else. It seemed that the feelings of deep loyalty were vigorously reciprocated.

Sadly, many of them had scattered to the four corners of the galaxy and she only saw them on rare occasions. Their absence was a source of sorrow tinged with bitterness that sat burning in her middle and she had a feeling that this had a lot to do with her inability to move on with her life.

Her crew were very much in her thoughts just at the moment. There had been a Voyager reunion only a week ago and it had been a joy. However, it had made the memories of their life together suddenly raw and real again.

It had been seven months since their return and almost all the crew and their families had made the effort to be at the get together.

It had been Tom’s idea… of course. Her face broke into a broad smile at the thought of her ex-pilot, B’Elanna and their beautiful little girl.

Tom, B’Elanna and Harry had decided that waiting a whole year to see everyone was far too long. It was July and because the number seven held such significance for the Voyager crew – seven years lost, seven senior staff, seventy thousand light years from home – that a seven month reunion was a perfect solution. Kathryn could think of another couple of significant sevens. Seven of Nine and her seven week affair with Chakotay, but she avoided bringing attention to those. Everyone seemed to be ignoring that particular elephant in the living room, particularly since their break-up and she didn’t see it as her place to bring it to light. Besides, it was in the past now.

The night had been joyous but it had sharpened the edges of her memories and feelings of loss to a point where she’d been thinking of them all constantly ever since and it cut deeply. Chakotay had been there but Seven had not. She was on a Science vessel somewhere in the quadrant… with her new partner. Kathryn was happy for her young protégé and if her last communiqué was anything to go by, Seven was content and that was all she could ask.

Kathryn swung her legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed her dressing gown. She hugged it to her chest as she took a quick look at Chakotay’s sand painting of New Earth that hung on the wall beside her bed. It had become something of a ritual every morning to look at it and remember. Letting the contentment of those memories settle over her before she readied herself for the day.

Chakotay.

She smiled. Just his name brought with it a sense of peace and contentment. She didn’t know what she would have done without him over the years, and they were still close and saw each other often. One or two of her potential suitors had queried her about her relationship with Chakotay. They couldn’t understand their bond. She’d tried to explain it on a couple of occasions but had finally given up. How did one explain such a relationship? It was the closest friendship she’d ever had and they were woven together in such an intricate tapestry that to try and untangle themselves from one another was impossible. They would both unravel in the attempt. Her relationship with Chakotay was the one thing she would never compromise. He was her dearest friend and if her male companions couldn’t deal with that, well, tough.

Standing under the pummelling shower she tried to ignore the warmth that suffused her at the thought of her former first officer. She’d become adept at ignoring that feeling over the years and she plunged her head under the hot running water to wash the sensation away. It didn’t really work and she sighed as she stepped out of the shower and dried herself. She was due to have lunch with Chakotay tomorrow and she found herself grinning. She couldn’t wait to see him… and that thought gave her pause.

* * *

Fighting his way to wakefulness, Chakotay scrunched his eyes tightly shut as the sunlight that spilled through the open window, burned against his closed eyelids. Morning. He rolled over and groaned, checking the bedside clock. 0700. His hand flopped over to the empty side of his bed. It had been months since anyone had filled that void. Seven had taken up residence there for an embarrassingly short time when they’d first arrived home. Their relationship had lasted somewhere between six and seven weeks. He huffed. She’d very sensibly realised that, for her, there was an entire quadrant to be explored so, one morning at breakfast, she’d informed him, in her brutally efficient way, that she didn’t see their union as a logical or viable one and had packed her bags and regeneration unit, and headed off to explore her humanity. Six months later she was now travelling the quadrant with her xenobiologist partner on the science vessel, Irchevsky.

He smiled as he thought of her. They had remained friends and kept in regular contact. He was genuinely happy for her and hoped that she’d found what she was looking for. She seemed content and for her, that was enough.

He still saw a good many of the crew. Tom and B’Elanna, Harry – when he was home, and most of the former Maquis were in contact, even though many of them were off-world. And he saw Kathryn at regular intervals. They were both living and working here in San Francisco. He, writing his book and Kathryn at Starfleet headquarters – and they met for lunch or dinner, as often as their schedules would allow. He smiled as he thought of her and waited for the warmth that usually followed thoughts of her. Ah, there it was. He smiled. It happened every time. It was comforting in its predictability.

She’d revelled in her crew’s company at the reunion last week and it had been wonderful to see her so happy and carefree. It had brought back so many memories of their years together.

He’d mourned the loss of his Voyager family when they’d arrived home. It wasn’t that he was unhappy to be back. Mind you, he could have done without that farcical trial, but they’d fought so hard for all those years to get here only to realise, after they’d arrived, just how precious those years had been. Their little lifeboat of humanity had been home for seven years and he missed it, and them, dreadfully. He missed her most of all.

Kathryn.

He swung his legs over the side of his bed and looked at the photo on the bedside table. It was one of him and Kathryn at a crew get together, he couldn’t remember which one, but they both looked happy and at peace.

And that was the problem with his life… the sense of peace he so desperately sought was elusive and he’d been trying to recapture that feeling of belonging ever since he’d been home, but to no avail.

The reunion last week had been bitter sweet in that regard. Seeing everyone together again reopened the barely healed wounds of loss and abandonment and seeing Kathryn had been a torture, both sweet and sublime.

He got to his feet and strode into the bathroom.

Leaning on the sink he looked at himself, staring into his eyes until he could almost see the inner workings of his heart. Thoughts of Kathryn drifted into his mind and it was like a light switched on inside him and he could see his feelings brilliantly reflected in his eyes. Blinking slowly he pushed himself away from the sink and huffed out a laugh. What a fool he’d been. What an absolute fool. Wasn’t it about time he admitted it to himself?

He was still in love with her. He’d never stopped loving her it seemed, and it was time he accepted that.

He was in love with Kathryn Janeway.

He always had been and, plain and simple, he always would be. It made no difference how many warm bodies he took to his bed, the one that he wanted to be there was Kathryn’s and, no matter how many months or years passed, he would never get over her. She was imbedded in his heart and seared into his soul and everyone else came a poor second.

He hadn’t been short of companions, particularly in the early months of their return. His notoriety had ensured that there was a steady stream of willing volunteers to warm his bed, but they were hollow and, in the end, pointless liaisons. They filled the void for a time, but the relationships withered and died because it was impossible to nurture something that couldn’t take root. His heart was already full.

As he stood under the pounding water of his shower, he thought back to the reunion. It was a significant anniversary. They’d been back for seven months. How the time had flown but he couldn’t help but feel that he was still drifting and waiting for something significant to happen.

Finished in the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out to the kitchen and began his morning ritual of making coffee. Tea had always been his beverage of choice but he’d begun drinking coffee when he’d moved into his new house after debriefings had finished. He’d convinced himself that it was because he was home and the coffee was from a remote part of South America and something of an indulgence, but deep down he knew why he drank it. It made him feel closer to her. To Kathryn.

He checked the time and realised that had they been on Voyager, they would now be having their first cup of the morning as they sat in her ready room going over the Gamma shift reports.

He found himself doing this often… harking back to their time together on Voyager and using memories to mark points of reference in his everyday life. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not, but it was beyond his control.

Life measured by memories. As delightful as they were, it seemed like a fairly stagnant existence.

As he sipped on his coffee he found himself thinking of her and wanting to talk to her. Sometimes the need was so intense that he’d find some excuse to comm her, just so he could hear her voice. He closed his eyes and thought of her at the reunion. She’d been so happy to be amongst her friends and Voyager family. Her face had danced with joy and he could still hear the echo of her laughter, throaty and joyful.

Opening his eyes he looked around his living area. There were Delta Quadrant mementos everywhere and each one was loaded with a memory of Kathryn and their time together over the last almost eight years.

He stared at the half a dozen books that she’d given him – one for each birthday during the first six years of their journey. His eyes travelled to the throw she’d knitted for his last birthday and the small carving of the native dog that she’d brought back from Redosa Prime. He’d been surprised that she should have thought to get him something that looked so remarkably like his animal guide. She hadn’t explained, respecting his beliefs and not speaking of their animal guides, but she’d given him one of those looks that said that he should have known that she knew.

He looked out the window at the brand new day and made decision.

Enough was enough and, slugging down the last dregs of his coffee, he moved over to the replicator and ordered several sheets of paper and a pen.

He sat at his desk and wrote what was in his heart. The words and thoughts were old companions, they’d lived within him for so many years that they spilled onto the page with ease.

_Dear Kathryn_

_I woke this morning with the sun on my face and thoughts of you in my heart. It is how I wake every morning and how I’ve woken every morning for the last seven years but for some reason today seemed like the perfect day to tell you._

_I love you, Kathryn._

_I am saying these words out loud as I write and they make my heart rejoice and my soul sing. I love you, Kathryn. I love you and I will never tire of saying those precious words._

_Every thought I have and everything that I do reminds me of you and what we had together. I drink my coffee every morning and it reminds me of our mornings in your ready room. I miss our talks and I miss your presence. I see your dancing eyes when I close mine and your laugh echoes through my mind._

_I’m sitting here in my living room and everywhere I turn there is something that sends my thoughts hurtling in your direction. My day starts and ends with thoughts of you. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake and you are my last thought at night when I sink into slumber._

_It’s not that I’m unhappy. My life is good, but what I’ve suddenly realised is that I’m only ever truly whole and at peace when I’m with you. No matter how many years pass and where I happen to be, I’m never going to get over you. My love for you is embedded within me so deeply that I couldn’t let it go of it even if I wanted to. Kathryn you are a part of me and you always will be._

_I know this is probably something that you don’t want to hear and that perhaps your heart is busy elsewhere, but I’ve had this love for you pushing against the confines of my heart for so long that it has finally ruptured and spilled. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer._

_This morning I woke and could almost feel your presence and knew that it was time to tell you. I don’t want my declaration to spoil our friendship. It is what has sustained me for all these years, but I just wanted you to know that no matter how many years pass, I’ll never get over you._

_With love_

_Chakotay._

Before he could think too much about it, he folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. He threw on some clothes and took off at a jog to Starfleet headquarters. It was early and most of the offices were empty, Kathryn’s included. Standing outside her office door, he took one last look at the envelope with her name written in his bold script on the front, then taking a deep breath, he kissed it and slid it under her door. He stood looking at her name on the door for a long moment and then turned away and jogged home.

He wasn’t sure what her reaction was going to be but he hoped in his heart of hearts that it would be a positive one and that they could perhaps move on from this point.

* * *

Kathryn had showered and dressed and was now sipping her coffee as she looked out over the bay and wondered what he was doing at this moment. For some reason this morning her thoughts had been filled with Chakotay. She checked the time and smiled. If they had been on Voyager, they would be sitting on the couch in her ready room drinking coffee and tea and going over the Gamma shift reports – probably laughing about Harry’s pedantic reporting or some other amusing anecdote about the crew.

God she missed him. Sometimes she’d find herself half turning to talk to him only to remember that he wasn’t there by her side anymore. She’d taken all those years for granted and it angered her now that she’d let them pass without truly appreciating what a gift they had been. She’d had no choice though. They were best friends – dear friends and no one understood her like Chakotay did – it was a match made in heaven. She knew him so well. Every look and nuance held meaning for her and she just couldn’t see herself being that close to anyone else in her life.

Her cup thudded onto the saucer in her hand and she stared, unseeing, through the windows as the reality hit her like a phaser blast.

She was still in love with Chakotay. After all these years and her misguided thinking that she’d put those feelings behind her, she had to admit it to herself. She loved him and no matter what she did and who she was with, nothing was going to change that. Her breath whooshed from her, and then she took a deep cleansing breath. It felt good to acknowledge the truth as last. She’d been denying it for so many years that it had become a habit and it felt good to feel such certainty and to be free to accept what her heart had known for years. Her face softened and she leaned her forehead against the cool glass of her window.

She loved Chakotay. It really wasn’t a surprise, she’d known for years but she’d spent most of those years sublimating the knowledge and redirecting that energy in her push towards home.

Her attempts to move on had been thwarted from the beginning. She would never be able to extricate him from her heart. Not that she wanted to. He owned it and had from very early on in their journey. Turning, she leant back against the window and looked around her living room. With a laugh she realised how obvious her feelings were for her former first officer. How she’d been able to avoid seeing what was right before her eyes, was beyond her. ‘Wood for trees’, her mother would say.

No wonder Tom, B’Elanna, Phoebe and her mother, would look at one another strangely when they visited. Evidence of his presence was everywhere. One of his native throws was tossed over the back of her couch, there was his wood carving of an eagle on the bookshelves – it had been a birthday gift – and she could even see her medicine bundle tucked into the cabinet behind the dining room table. There were holoimages of him on the mantle, mementoes from far off planets that he’d given her and one of his sand paintings held pride of place on the wall above the fireplace. She huffed out another laugh. He may as well have been living here; she had so many pieces of him here.

Kathryn was tempted to comm him so she could hear his voice but she stopped herself. He probably had better things to do at this time of the morning but she would call him from work and remind him about lunch tomorrow. It was as good an excuse as any to talk to him.

She mused, as she paced her room gathering padds and packing her briefcase. Should she tell him of her epiphany and risk ruining what was a perfect friendship? Or leave things as they were and try to gauge whether he still had any feelings for her? He once did, but whether they’d survived the years of being ignored and pushed aside was debatable. Heroic as Kathryn was about most things, she wasn’t very brave when it came to matters of the heart.

She checked the clock. 0745. Just enough time to make it to the transporter station and beam to work. With her briefcase tucked under her arm, she stepped down the front steps of her house and looked around her. The day seemed brighter and, with a spring in her step, she strolled down to the station and within ten minutes she was at her office door.

Kathryn pushed it open and her aide, Henry Rogers looked up from his desk with a smile. Standing, he picked up a pile of padds from his desk. “Good morning, Admiral.”

“Good morning, Henry. How are the twins today?” Kathryn walked into her office with Henry right behind her.

“They’re on the mend thank you, Admiral, but Jeanie has come down with the cold now. You’d think with all the advances in medical science that they’d at least have found a cure for the common cold?”

Kathryn smiled but looked concerned. “Is she all right, Henry? You could take the day off if you need to.”

Henry smiled. He’d been so lucky to land this job. He hadn’t thought so at first… aide to the renegade Admiral Janeway. She had a reputation for being abrasive and hard nosed, but he’d only ever found her courteous and at times downright generous. It was a perfect job and he wouldn’t change it for the world. And this sort of thoughtfulness was just another example of why he’d work himself into an early grave for this woman. “Thank you, Admiral, but things are under control at home and Jeanie knows she can call if she needs to.”

Kathryn nodded. “Well, perhaps we can make it an early one today. Let’s see how we go. What’s up first?”

Henry looked down at his padd. “At 0900 you have a meeting with Admiral Watson and Commodore Baz’ren in regard to the Midas array. Commander Barclay will be at that meeting.”

Kathryn smiled and nodded for Henry to continue.

“You have a lunch appointment with Admiral Paris… I think it entails holoimages and Miral updates. And your afternoon is free so far, but I’m expecting some astrometric updates from the Nordic to come through for analysis.”

While Henry was talking, Kathryn had unpacked her briefcase and was now ordering a coffee from the replicator. Henry placed the things he was carrying in her in-box as Kathryn turned and took her seat. “Thank you, Henry.”

Henry nodded and smiled. “Admiral.” And spinning on his heel, exited the room.

Kathryn took a long sip of her coffee and heaved a sigh. Time to get started. She surveyed her desk, there was a pile of padds that needed to be reviewed and … a paper envelope. It looked so incongruous amongst the data padds and computer chips. She picked it up and turned it over in her hand and frowned. She tapped her comm. “Henry?”

_“Yes, Admiral.”_

“Do you know anything about this envelope?”

_“No, Admiral. It was on the floor just inside the door when I arrived this morning. I did take the precaution of scanning it. It has only folded paper inside.”_

“Thank you, Henry that was a wise precaution.”

_“Aye, Admiral.”_

Kathryn stared at the bold script on the front of the envelope and for a moment thought she recognised the hand writing, but paper and pen was used so rarely these days it was hard to be sure. Her heart was beating faster though and, for some reason, she knew what was inside this envelope was important. The morning had been filled with revelations and this seemed like a portent of some kind.

She took a deep breath, tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper. She recognised the writing now and held her breath as she read.

Seconds later she strode out of her office with the letter still clutched tightly in her hand. She marched past Henry’s desk, talking as she passed. “Henry, cancel my day and you get home to Jeanie.”

Henry watched her as she took off down the hallway, almost at a run. Whatever was in that letter must be something important. She didn’t seem upset, just excited. He hoped it was good news. Smiling, he hit the comm address for home. Jeanie would be pleased.

* * *

Chakotay was in his garden.

He’d decided that weeding was a good way to pass the time and it was something that reminded him of Kathryn. He smiled to himself. He had it bad and, if he was brutally honest with himself, there was very little that didn’t remind him of Kathryn. Thoughts of her took up a good deal of his time and since he’d slid that letter under her door this morning, he’d been swinging between excitement and regret. He’d been imagining her reaction, worried that she was now pacing her office in dismay and anger, or worse still, angry and on her way here with a phaser. He wouldn’t put it past her and his smile broadened at the thought. He’d just have to wait and see. Knowing Kathryn her reaction would be swift and decisive, whichever road she took. He knelt down over the flower bed in the far corner of his garden and took out his anxiety on a particularly stubborn crop of onion weed. It helped… a little.

* * *

Kathryn knocked on Chakotay’s door several times but there was no answer. Perhaps she should have stopped to think about what she was going to do and say to him before she went barrelling out of her office, but seeing him had been her top priority and she figured that the words would come, if she even needed words. She smiled at that thought.

Reading the letter only once she’d bolted out of her office door, hell bent on finding him. Thinking about it now, it was just typical that they would both come to the same conclusion on the same day. She wasn’t superstitious by nature but, where she and Chakotay were concerned, there always seemed to be some sort of cosmic force at work. Their bond was something truly unique.

She didn’t want to appear overly melodramatic, but it just seemed as if they’d spent a significant part of their lives moving towards this particular moment and the fact that they’d both arrived here at the same time had to mean something….

If only he’d answer the damn door. Where the hell was he?

She frowned and huffed impatiently. This would be terribly anticlimactic if she couldn’t find him. He had to be home… he was always home. The thought then occurred to her – the garden! He wouldn’t be able to hear her knocking if he was out in the garden. She jogged down the front steps and worked her way around the side of the house. As she rounded the back veranda she saw him, kneeling by one of the garden beds hard at work with a garden trowel. He had his back to her and while he was still unaware of her presence she stood and watched him. He was so achingly familiar. Every movement of his body, every angle and plain of him was so recognisable and real, but she now looked at him through new eyes. The eyes of a soon to be lover and that familiar tilt to his head and those strong shoulders and broad back took on a deeper more poignant meaning. He was hers, just as she was his and the thought of them belonging to each other gave her such a deep sense of peace and tranquillity. To never be alone again, even when they were apart, calmed the sea of turmoil that had been her constant companion for the last … God knows how long.

He must have felt her eyes on him because he stilled, then in a single movement got to his feet and turned towards her. They stood looking at one another from across the garden.

Time seemed to stand still as their gazes held, neither one willing or wanting to look away. Kathryn forced herself to breathe.

His voice drifted on the breeze. “Kathryn?” A question. A caress. It filled her with delight.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him but she found her voice and spoke in a calm and controlled husk. “I got your letter.” She held it up for him to see, still clasped tightly in her hand but instead of dropping her hands to her side again, she clutched them to her chest. “Thank you.” Her voice hitched.

“I wrote it this morning.”

“I know.”

“Kathryn?”

“Chakotay?”

“I love you.”

She smiled and clutched the letter tighter to her. “You said.”

Kathryn took a deep shuddering breath. There was so much to say, but she didn’t know where to begin….

Oh, yes she did. “Chakotay?”

“Yes, Kathryn.”

“I love you too.”

He beamed a smile. “I’m glad.”

“Chakotay?”

“Yes, Kathryn.”

“I can’t get my legs to move.” She gave him an embarrassed grin.

He barked out a laugh and in half a dozen strides was standing right in front of her. So close that she could smell his spicy scent. He hesitated for a split second and then he scooped her into his arms and held her. Her arms wrapped around him and she relaxed into his embrace.

With her head tucked into his shoulder, her breasts pressed against his chest and their lower bodies moulded together, they fit like two pieces of a puzzle. She’d known it would be like this. It was perfect.

She mumbled against his shoulder. “Why today?”

Kathryn felt his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “I have no idea. I just woke up this morning and my thoughts were filled with you. They often are, but this morning they just seemed so… present, and I realised that my life was irrevocably joined to yours that I couldn’t ever be whole until we were together. I’d loved you all these years, you were part of me and I was never going to get over you no matter how hard I tried.”

Kathryn smiled into his shoulder. “I knew something was going to happen today. I woke this morning and couldn’t stop thinking of you and as I was sipping my coffee, I realised that I was still in love with you. I thought all those feelings had faded long ago, and I was even worried that I’d forgotten how to feel, but its still there. Everything. All the love, respect, desire and need that I’d hidden for all those years. Are you ready for this, Chakotay?”

The chuckle rumbled through his chest and she pulled back to look at his face. He cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking over her lips and she felt the tell tale throb of want. Their eyes were lit with mirrored fire and he breathed hotly against her mouth. “More than ready.”

His lips crashed against hers and one of her hands tangled in his long hair. The other hand still held the cherished letter as she gripped a handful of his shirt and pressed her mouth hard against his. The edge of urgency quickly subsided and their mouths gentled, softening and moulding to one another’s. Tongues slid past teeth and as they touched, moans were dragged from deep within. Chakotay’s hands stroked down over Kathryn’s back and buttocks and Kathryn stood on tiptoe as their mouths pulled apart only to meet again at a different angle, tasting, learning and rejoicing in the feel of one another. Their kisses slowly gentled to light touches of their lips in between smiles. Finally Chakotay pulled back and swept her hair from her face, his thumb stroking along her cheek. “I was thinking about having a coffee. Will you join me?”

Her eyes sparkled and her mouth twisted into a grin. “Now there’s a loaded question.”

Chakotay grinned back. “And your answer?”

“Oh yes, please.”

And without another word and, arm in arm, they turned towards the house. Pushing open the screen door, they disappeared inside to begin their new life, together.

End


End file.
